


The recollections of Ash Croft

by CreepyQuill



Category: Fallout 3, Fallout 4
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol, Cussing, Drug Addiction, Post-Apocalypse, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-21 09:01:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20690900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreepyQuill/pseuds/CreepyQuill
Summary: Ash Croft grew up as an orphan of the Capital Wasteland. This is the story of a betrayed raider overboss and her journey to becoming who she is in the events of another story which is still in the making.





	1. The Bloody Bullets

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language so please excuse the occasional grammatical errors, constructive criticism and advice is very much appreciated :)

The Bloody Bullets  
The year was 2269, early spring, had just turned 14. 

“Whatever,” I kicked a rusty can, “I don’t need them anyway. Fucking sissies!” I looked back at the old rusted metal wall. The creaking sound of the near ancient plane motor reached all the way out here. My stomach was already growling, I hadn’t eaten the whole day when Simms gave me the news.  
“Fuck him, fuck Moriarty, fuck them all! You point a gun at some whiny ass drifter and this what you get? Exile!”  
I thought, but I was gonna show them. Megaton was more like a shelter, somewhere to hang out, but it was never a home. I had no family there, not even a proper roof, I had a piece of metal and two sticks to keep it up, a sleeping bag as my bed and a rusty toolbox to keep and carry around my belongings. Still got that toolbox by the way.  
My stomach growled louder, I hadn’t packed any food, not that I had any to pack anyways.  
“Looks like it’s either bloatfly if I’m lucky to find one, or go to sleep hungry again.”  
It looked like it would end up as the latter, no bloatflies in sight. But being hungry were too common out there. The wind blew my long blonde hair around making it harder to see but thankfully I spotted an old Super Duper Mart, there were no signs of people on the outside. Ghouls would have left traces in the dust and raiders would have left the bodies of their unlucky victims as displays of dominance for other travellers. I opened the door carefully and immediately coughed from all the dust, I grabbed my gun prepared to face anyone who might’ve heard. A sigh escaped my mouth as nothing came to greet me. I lowered my gun but kept it in my hand. Toolbox and sleeping bag by the door, I cautiously checked the aisles.   
After checking out most of the aisles I reached the last one. I could’ve wept with joy from the sight, there were a couple of cans of pork n’ beans and in the cooler next to it was at least five bottles of Nuka Cola.  
Several colas and both cans later I was ready to go to sleep. I crawled into my sleeping bag and held my gun inside with me.

Pain. That’s what woke me up. Someone had kicked me in the stomach and it felt as if I were about to throw up. I shot open my eyes and saw three men, all wearing crude armour made of tires and scrap metal. The gun had become stuck in a hole inside the sleeping bag, but I didn’t even get the time to try and free it. The biggest of the three bent down, unzipped the bag and pulled me up. Thank god I slept with my clothes on. He held me against the wall as the other two went through my stuff. I was too afraid to talk. The man holding me against the wall was so close to my face I could see the hairs in his nose, his breath nearly made me gag, as if the breathing trouble wasn’t bad enough. I considered pulling his hair, make him let go of me, but he was way stronger than me. He had stains in the pubic hair-ish beard he had, making him even more disgusting.   
They hadn’t seen the gun, that gave me an advantage. “Hey, boss lookie here.” The skinniest of the lot pulled out my cloth. My cloth! He had no right to touch that! The one in the only actual metal armour looked at him uninterested. He took it from the thin guy and looked it over, “Ash Croft.” He must have read the embroidery. His voice was soft, not like the other one. “That’s you?” He looked at me, I nodded slowly. “Why are you out here Ash Croft?” I tried to muster some words, but my fear and the pressure the troll of a man was putting on me prevented me from doing so.  
The boss waved his hand and the giant took a step away.  
“I was ex-exiled.” I tried to sound confident but failed. “From Megaton.”

He nodded “I’m Jerome Peyton,” he wiped the sweat off of his forehead, there was not a sprinkle of dust on his dark skin. It was unsettling. “Do you know what we are Ash Croft?” I nodded. “Then do you know what we are going to do to you?” My heart stopped, these motherfuckers were gonna kill me! Or worse...  
Without thinking I kicked the ogre in the groin, he slumped together with a deep grunt. I managed to free and grab my gun before any of them reached theirs. I held the barrel to the big one's head and shouted: “Step the fuck away or he’s dead!” The skinny one took a hurried step back, but Jerome Peyton didn’t even flinch.

He chuckled and said, “Do it, girl blow his brains out.” He crossed his arms and smirked at me. He was playing me, I had never pulled that trigger before and he knew it. Peyton probably didn’t even think it was loaded, but I was gonna prove him wrong.  
“B-boss?” The fat man uttered. I turned to Peyton while still holding the gun to the man's face. I looked Peyton straight in the eye, my face no longer showed fear. Bluffing, that was a trick for the weak. I mimicked his smirk. I pulled the hammer back, then I squeezed the trigger.

It was the loudest sound ever! Blood splattered back on my face, but the look on Peyton's face was priceless! He went completely blank, the skinny one screamed. I wasn’t thinking but hell I was feeling. Pride mostly, satisfaction, excitement and several other feelings I couldn’t recognize. I then pointed my gun to the skinny one and pulled my trigger once again. The bullet hit his stomach, he slumped together and cried in agony. I think he was even yelling ‘mommy’.  
Jerome Peyton pointed his gun at me, shaking. I had never felt so strong, so powerful. I was fucking invincible. Now it was my turn to chuckle, they couldn’t stop me. It felt as if the whole world was mine.  
“Just put down the fucking gun!” His voice was strained.

I brushed my long hair behind my ear and asked casually, “You got a gang? Or is it just you pussies?” I had never had such a genuine smile, I was in control, and I fucking loved it. He nodded. “Good, take me to the rest of ‘em. What they called?”  
He looked so confused, he was terrified. “We’re the Bloody Bullets and why the fuck should I!?” he yelled.  
I answered cockily “Why? Cuz I want the fuck in!”  
And with that, I became a raider.


	2. Journal entries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small collection of journal entries that describes Ash's teen years

Journal entry 1  
‘September 2nd, 2269, Clarity’  
I got this crazy idea to start a journal, cuz why the hell not. Got tons of other ideas right now but this is the most tangible right now.  
My mind has never been calmer, but never so flooded at the same time. The minty flavour still remains as I type this. My senses are going crazy, my breath is calm.   
As I look about I observe more than I ever have. These subway walls have looked the same for so long, now I see every little crack. I hear the attack dogs grunt and growl rooms away. The little metal tin looks more interesting too, the paint is scaling and it has small rust spots all over. Mentats are amazing.  
Not as good as the feeling of killing. Nothing beats that, not alcohol, sex, nothing.  
But this is damn fucking close to all that.  
Peyton is chuckling, he started talking about his first trip. It’s boring. There is so much more that seems much more exciting now.   
I fidget with the tin while writing this, I am definitely doing mentats soon again.

Journal entry 2  
‘October 11th, 2269, Raid’  
Peyton spoke to the boss, I’m finally going on my first raid! About time too, been running with these guys for three months now.  
I’m supposed to stand guard with some chick named Mia. She just joined up, but she’s twenty-something so I guess that’s why she gets to come along. We’re attacking a caravan. We’ve been watching it for a while and they seem to have got loads of chems and shit. If I do good I might score mentats, been having an itch for a while.

Journal entry 3  
‘January 7th, 2270, Remembering’  
I consider myself lucky, I’ve made it to my 15th winter. I sometimes remember what the assholes in Megaton would say about me. I was either a little miracle or a little pest. Usually a pest.  
Most babies dropped off in the dust alone doesn’t last more than an hour, yet I made it for days or so out there before some caravaneer spotted me and took me to the ‘fortress of rust’. Who even just leaves their newborn in the middle of the Wasteland during a nuclear winter?  
I think my parents were raiders or something since they didn’t want me. Or maybe they were heroically killed saving me, most likely dad just knocked mom up and she didn’t wanna be stuck with a screaming bundle of mutant attractor in the Capital Shitland doped up on gamma rays. Would she even care if she met me? Would she be disappointed because I use chems and I’m a raider? I try not to think about it. So that’s why I decided to try Jet tomorrow.


	3. Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking Ash is unfit to lead their gang, the higher members of The Bloody Bullets decides to get rid of her.

Betrayed  
2284, mid-summer.

“Can’t blame them for starting to get cautious Ash.” Peyton brought the cigarette to his lips again and sucked in, finishing it off. My nose crinkled up slightly as the smell reached me again. I hated to be around lit cigarettes, the smell would always get stuck on my vault 101 suit which I stole from some poor dweller a few years back.

I looked at him, he was the only one of the muck rack whom I trusted, “They all need to remember who’s the boss here!” I glared at Peyton as he was about to bring out a new cigarette, he quickly tucked the package away again. “I’ve been in control of the Bullets for 10 years. 10 FUCKING YEARS PEYTON!”  
He scratched his greying afro and sighed, “And that’s why some of these idiots are losing their respect for ya, and they think you’re gettin’ soft too. They ain’t alone in that accusation Ash.” He looked at me apologetically and it made me want to hit him, I controlled my temper though and didn’t.  
“The hell I’m gettin’ soft. I got the highest kill count here, completely merciless too. Old people, sick people, children.” I remember my heart sinking low at the last one. “Those fuckers ain’t got nothing on me!” I sat down opposite my only friend as he was about to rise.  
He stood beside me and calmly said, with his ever so unsettlingly soothing voice “It ain’t me ya gotta convince, girl it’s them and Simon. Otherwise, I suggest ya skip town, both for yours and the little one’s sake.” He walked out of the room and into the service tunnels. 

I placed my hand on my lower stomach, the idea of leaving the Bloody Bullets behind was paining me, but I couldn’t lead them while pregnant. Especially considering who the father was.   
I know how it sounds. Me, pregnant? But it’s true yeah, mixing psycho and vodka seemed like a good idea until you wake up naked next to the guy who’s threatening to topple your status as overboss of one of the Capital Wastelands biggest raider gangs. I had worked hard for that status. Ever since I joined up I had fucked, traded and killed my way to the top. After that several small gangs realised that they should not mess with me and practically begged to join. We grew bigger over the years and soon everyone feared us.  
And it was all gonna be ruined by me making one bad decision. I was just happy it wasn't visible yet. I was about 5 weeks in, that gave me at least 4 to 5 months if I wore loose clothing and didn’t undress in front of anyone. That and if I blamed the symptoms on poorly cooked meals and chem withdrawals. These guys were too stupid to realise what was going on.

About 5 days later, all the bosses, or as I liked to call them my own little ‘council’, were with me in the metro entrance hall. The council were composed of me of course, Peyton, that ass Simon and a few others who aren’t worth mentioning. Had it been entirely my decision then Simon wouldn't even be in the gang anymore, but he had been the boss of a fairly large group who joined in a couple of years back so I had to keep him to keep them in check.  
They had called for the meeting to discuss some launch at a settlement we had been talking about. I adjusted my bright red mohawk and black leather coat which I wore over my vault-suit and walked in, but when I got there all that met me was glares and sympathetic looks and I knew something was very wrong. Everyone except Peyton stood with readied weapons, I was an idiot and didn’t turn back while I had the chance.

Peyton lit a cigarette and took a couple of huffs of it before saying, “I told you to get out of here Croft.” He looked me straight in the eyes, “Ya might have the looks and the guns but ya ain’t no raider no more.” He looked at me like some disappointed parent scolding their child.

My blood started to boil, he was my friend. My only friend in this godforsaken fucking shithole of a world! “Screw you.” Was the only thing I could muster. I held my hand close to my trusty 44. I had a feeling that it might’ve ended badly.

Simon walked a couple of steps closer to me, “Listen, honey, we’re being generous right now. You have done a great job uniting all these raiders and all that stuff.” I considered spitting in his face but decided against it. The mongrel puppy he had been training whined by his feet, his gang called themselves the ‘Tamers’. They were experts in making animals obey them. “We have talked about it and our old Jerome here have convinced us to just let you walk out of here, we will escort you but after that, we won’t follow you and you’ll be able to make a life for you and… That.”   
He gestured the barrel of his rifle towards my abdomen. Peyton had told them. And now I was sure that Simon had no idea it was his, he would have cared otherwise, maybe.

I glared at Peyton harshly, he couldn’t even look me in the eyes. “Fine,” I said with more anger than ever. I wanted to cry, scream and empty my gun into each one of them. “If this is the way it’s gonna be.” As I finished my sentence one of the lookouts came running with a bag and my rusted toolbox and dropped both at my feet.

“As you can see I had your stuff packed for you.” Figures, Simon always liked to make bad situations worse. Now I didn’t even get to say goodbye to the few of the members I didn’t hate, like Mia and Hayfield. “Jerome and I will walk you out.” He smiled smugly. I didn’t even commentate at the rushed nature of it all, it was no surprise that Simon had arranged it all to go as briefly as possible.

They had led me out about a mile before we stopped in the middle of the dust, there was not a single building in sight, “We’ll leave you here honey.” Simon had that smug grin on his face again.  
Peyton extended a hand, I didn’t take it though. Instead, I spat on his boots, he just nodded and stepped back “If that’s the way ya want our last meeting to be, then so be it.” I didn’t care at that point, but I regret it now.   
I sighed and shook my head, “Fuck you all.” I glared at Peyton as he walked away, Simon still stood there. He was waiting for something and I knew the moment I turned around he would shoot me in the back. I dropped my bag and the toolbox and said “Why are you doing this Simon? Just so you will be overboss? You’ll be torn to shreds within weeks.” And I meant it, he wouldn’t last long, the Bloody Bullets had more than 150 members in the area alone and several outposts outside every major city, town and along trading routes in the entire Capital Wasteland, he might have been able to control his old gang but the Bullets were too big for him. I spent most of my teens with that gang, I made it what it is. Well, I guess ‘was’ is more appropriate now, I received word that the gang nearly fell apart 2 years ago, internal dispute and all that.   
Simon still stood there while the other traitor disappeared over the horizon, “Ash Croft, you don’t know anything do you?” He wiped his forehead, “This has been coming for a long time sweetheart, we haven’t had a proper raid for months and now you’re pregnant! Your time is over love.” I was just about to say something when the mongrel puppy he had with him started barking like crazy and before I could pull out my gun, Simon had his rifle pointed at me. “Just know, you did a good job.” He had that disgusting cunning tone as he always had. I couldn’t react before I saw a bright flash and I was on the ground, bleeding. It didn’t hurt due to the shock but I still touched my abdomen where the bullet had hit and blood soon covered my hand and started flowing to the dust beneath me. I vaguely heard the pup growling and barking while it stood beside me. I just stared at the wound and thought ‘Is my baby going to be okay?’.


	4. What happens in Megaton...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash meets someone she'd never expect to know.

2284, early September.  
It had been a month since The Bullets betrayal. It was just my luck that a “kind-hearted” trader found me before I completely bled out right there. Of course, the motherfucker wanted compensation when I woke up in Megaton later on. Had to give him my favourite knife and like 50 caps before he was satisfied. Not enough with that but I also had to pay Doc Church for patching me up properly, so I had to get a job while recovering. Church remembered me though, Simms too. The sheriff would talk to me about how someone tried to detonate the huge bomb in the middle of town but some vault dweller disarmed it, reminds of the kid I got my suit from.  
Moriarty offered me a job though, the moment I was on my legs I acted as a bouncer at his saloon, which suited me just fine. Just had to make sure that Nova got paid and Gob wasn’t harassed too much.

I had finally paid my debt to the doc after a few weeks, but I stayed in Megaton for a while. I wanted to build up some finances before leaving the Capital Wasteland. I had heard about the Commonwealth from passing traders.  
When Simon’s mutt was fully trained we were gonna leave. The animal had stayed by my side through it all, can’t say that I hadn’t grown to care for it. He even guarded me while I was still out at Church's clinic, or so the doc claims.

The tiny mongrel was sitting beside me as I was having my usual drink as I was working, Gob had been talking to this older guy, answering some questions or something.  
I downed my drink and took a good look around the saloon, everything seemed fine so I wasn't quick to go back to my post.  
Before I knew it the old guy was sitting next to me. 

“Care to answer a few questions?” He looked almost desperate, he had deep lines under his eyes and his beard was unkempt like his dirty blonde hair. 

I held my empty glass up for him to see and said, “Depends.” My face showed disinterest, whatever this guy wanted he had to buy my time.

He gestured for Gob to give me a refill of whisky, the ghoul did so but not without making some remark about how Moriarty didn’t like drinking on the job. “Have you ever met a woman named Rachel Scott?” He tapped his finger on the table impatiently.

Shaking my head I sipped my drink, “Can’t say I have.” 

“Oh, you see I’m looking for a family member, Rachel Scott is their mother and my sister.” He chuckled nervously. “Vernon. Scott.” He added and extended a hand for me to shake.

I put down my glass of whisky and shook his hand back, I didn’t want to introduce myself, had no idea who he was. I quickly took a sip from my glass again. “So who exactly is this ‘family member?” I said cautiously, slavers were always on the lookout for escaped slaves and if he were looking for a one he could’ve just said, as it turned out he wasn't.

He cleared his throat before saying “That’s the tricky part y’see, I don’t know exactly. Rachel left ‘em nearly as soon as they were born. Don’t even know if they’re a boy or a girl.” He took a sip of his beer and continued. “I wasn't present when she gave birth, I was out guarding a caravan and when I got home to her she simply exclaimed that she couldn’t keep it. She had been so excited though, had been making clothes and everything, thinking up names. The kid was gonna have the daddies surname though.” He looked sad all of a sudden.

My own heart sank, he sounded like he had been looking forward to having a niece or nephew. I felt a pang of sympathy, “Why do you want to find them?” I asked.

Vernon sighed and said “I heard of a kid who was left out there in the wastes, some trader took the baby right here to Megaton. If my nephew or niece is still out there then I want to meet them.” 

I stopped breathing when he finished his sentence, “could he be..?” I thought to myself. Hesitantly I asked, “When was this?” I started breathing again, but my head was full of thoughts.

He shrugged and mumbled, “Late ‘55.” He finished the beer and fidgeted with the bottle. He smiled weakly and said, “I remember Rachel saying the kid was gonna be named either Ashton or Ashley since the daddy was ash-blonde.” Another weak chuckle.

I had to know now, this guy could be my uncle. My uncle! And he could know my parents! With a hoarse voice, I asked slowly, “What was the dad's name?” I was nearly finished with my whisky now.

Vernon scratched his beard, “Ethan I think, Ethan Croft.” I choked on the remains of my drink and coughed wildly. “Whoa there,” He patted my back and said “Take it slow” He faked a laugh.

I composed myself again and sat silently beside him for a while. “He HAS to be my uncle, and he knows my parents!” I was suddenly very aware of my breathing, sitting still was hard and I ordered vodka from Gob. What I wouldn’t have done do for a hit of jet at that point. I couldn’t muster any words, instead, I reached into my old leather jackets inner pocket and fished out my cloth.  
I inspected it, it was white and finely made, it had gotten stained over the years but I had always cherished it. It had a soft fine rim and in the bottom left corner was ‘Ash Croft’ embroidered. I always thought that the space between the words was rather large. The puppy got up and looked at me curiously.  
With still unsteady hands I put the cloth on the bar and slid it towards him.  
My hands were shaking and breathing became very hard.  
As Vernon read the inscription his brows furrowed. He mumbled silently as he read it again and again and again. Eventually, he just looked up at me, confused.  
He tried speaking but the words got caught in his throat.  
I finally became able to speak again, “Let’s go for a walk.”

We had remained just outside the town, we had talked about my family.  
My dad Ethan, was a B.o.S knight who had just arrived in the Capital Wasteland on an expedition. He met my mom while trading in a tiny village. My mom only spent a week with him or so, when the Brotherhood carried on he was never heard from again. My mom is still alive, but she probably doesn’t want anything to do with me, the feeling is mutual. She was just a regular ol’ farmer, nothing special.

Vernon was nice though, at least he was happy to meet me. I told him that he shouldn’t expect any good relationship, that I was leaving the area. When he asked why I simply said that it was personal but anyone who knew the ranks of the raiders could tell him why. He was disappointed but I promised to visit at some point, though that is a long time ago. The Capital Wasteland is a shithole and I have no intentions of ever going back, not even to meet my mom. She left me in a fucking nuclear winter! I don’t owe her shit.

I don’t owe any of them shit.


End file.
